Archive for the ‘thoughts’ Tag

The final moments    Leave a comment

When I lay finally and nobody comes to get me. I’ll wait for you 
I’m waiting for her is all he could think of

At 84 he lay down with peace in mind and heart fluttering far away. He knew this was it. He lay in his Santorum. It was his heaven and his reason for existence for the last 53 years. He was the exceptional artist.  A painter, whose success was based only on one subject- Maya. Lying in bed he looked around all his creations that he had done over the years.  All he could see was Maya. She reflected in all his paintings, she was the single source of inspiration to him.  From the first time, he met her to finally what his imagination carved her out to be it was all there.  She was his love for the number of years he could not even remember. As far as his memory went he felt he was born loving her. May be even before. All his life he had strongly placed his belief and heart in the corollary that the events in our lives today were set in motion a long long time ago. There is an old Buddhist saying that, when you meet your soul mate, we should remember that the act to bring us together was 500 years in the making. So, always appreciate and be kind to each other. Maya was his soul mate. She had touched his life like no other ever had. Such emotions are a carried forward of another life time, may be many

‌He had spent 4 years of his life being in love with her and the rest of it in her memory, holding her in his heart. In those 4 years, he lived his entire life. Those years gave his life a meaning and reason for existence. That was his purpose.  4 years that were worth the 83 that he lived. Anything after that was unreal and unimportant. His existence became those paintings he did of Maya. He lived for those fleeting moments when he caught a glimpse of her.  Walking down the road or driving away.  He was never too sure how my times he saw her or was she just an illusion created by his mind to calm his heart. Then he realised that it could not be an illusion.  If it was, she would have been with him
Why was she not with him he could not fathom. There was no reason and no logic. She had loved him just as much.  Then how did she go from being the epicenter of his life to a distant dream.  Someone who he could think of but not reach out and touch and feel her physical existence. The love they shared he knew was theirs and only theirs.  He knew she was a good wife, a perfect mother but her heart and soul belonged to him, like his to her.  He ached at that thought.  Then why was she so far far away.  That question had haunted him all his life.  And when all rationale beats you, you live in a stillness and the calm of acceptance. If he could talk he would talk and tell the world, acceptance and stillness is bliss in an ironical way. He would tell the world that love truly was magical. That love truly was when you melt away in it even without the person near you. He would tell the world that this was a perfect love story. It may not have had the cliché trajectory defined by society norms but it was perfect and more.  He loved her not to own her but just love her.  He knew that she did too.  She always would just as he did. And as he breathed his last, he knew that there was one person for whom the world would now stand still. Forever. He knew he could breathe his last in peace because she would come and get him.  When nothing was left, he had everything

Death ends a life not a relation, sometimes it gives a new life to a relation rebirth

Do we really die?? Did he really die or finally live

 

 

Posted November 23, 2016 by nidhi khanna in Musings

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The oscillating believer!   Leave a comment

As we walk on the road called life we encounter the inevitable. We change and change again and then change some more. Though most of the times our core stays the same and we come back to being what we used to be; unless we encounter a life altering experience. I have experienced both these types of changes

Today a whole lot of people who not only have seen similar amount of sunrises but less too would feel the way I do. We don’t know where we are headed. This reminds of lines from the song Sunscreen by Buz Luhrmann “The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.” I am there currently. Some aspects of life I am certain and some aspects I am clueless

Objectives of life are questions we don’t think about as often. And hence don’t have the answer. Someone recently asked me what I wanted to do with my personal and professional life. Being a person who is sorted and clear in the head I initiated to respond to that question. My response could not be more insipid. Until I finally gave up, only to fuel a thought later. So the question really was; if we don’t know where we are headed then how will we know when we reach there? This is a scary thought. If we don’t know the destination even Bhanumati aka Google maps, which is freakily accurate and helpful would not know how to reach us at our destination

I was not born like this. It’s the heat and beating of life that made me like this. As I had entered the illusionary age of understanding life I was a believer. Somewhere that changed and it was time to undo that change

I longed to go back to living the life I lived when I was younger. I wanted to be the same person who fell in love, believed in miracles and saw these come true and many more

I wanted to go back to believing in happy endings

Sometimes we learn something new about the past that changes everything we know about the future. I was ready. Once I was ready to discover my life’s purpose and success and failure does not matter anymore
Open your mind to the impossible and you may find the truth!

Posted December 19, 2015 by nidhi khanna in Musings

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Musings- the category   1 comment

10th May 2014_walk (102)-2

Sometimes there is only one set of feelings that matter. And often, it’s not yours. But they do to the person called “you”

As we move from one day to another we experience various emotions. Some sad, some happy, some anger, some introspective and then some more. The list goes on. We change. And then we unchange, well mostly. Going back to our core and then we sometimes forget what we felt. And then wonder what made us what we are today. So here are going to be snippets contributing to my online footprint

Better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self-Cyril Connolly

Posted December 16, 2015 by nidhi khanna in Musings

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