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The final moments    Leave a comment

When I lay finally and nobody comes to get me. I’ll wait for you 
I’m waiting for her is all he could think of

At 84 he lay down with peace in mind and heart fluttering far away. He knew this was it. He lay in his Santorum. It was his heaven and his reason for existence for the last 53 years. He was the exceptional artist.  A painter, whose success was based only on one subject- Maya. Lying in bed he looked around all his creations that he had done over the years.  All he could see was Maya. She reflected in all his paintings, she was the single source of inspiration to him.  From the first time, he met her to finally what his imagination carved her out to be it was all there.  She was his love for the number of years he could not even remember. As far as his memory went he felt he was born loving her. May be even before. All his life he had strongly placed his belief and heart in the corollary that the events in our lives today were set in motion a long long time ago. There is an old Buddhist saying that, when you meet your soul mate, we should remember that the act to bring us together was 500 years in the making. So, always appreciate and be kind to each other. Maya was his soul mate. She had touched his life like no other ever had. Such emotions are a carried forward of another life time, may be many

‌He had spent 4 years of his life being in love with her and the rest of it in her memory, holding her in his heart. In those 4 years, he lived his entire life. Those years gave his life a meaning and reason for existence. That was his purpose.  4 years that were worth the 83 that he lived. Anything after that was unreal and unimportant. His existence became those paintings he did of Maya. He lived for those fleeting moments when he caught a glimpse of her.  Walking down the road or driving away.  He was never too sure how my times he saw her or was she just an illusion created by his mind to calm his heart. Then he realised that it could not be an illusion.  If it was, she would have been with him
Why was she not with him he could not fathom. There was no reason and no logic. She had loved him just as much.  Then how did she go from being the epicenter of his life to a distant dream.  Someone who he could think of but not reach out and touch and feel her physical existence. The love they shared he knew was theirs and only theirs.  He knew she was a good wife, a perfect mother but her heart and soul belonged to him, like his to her.  He ached at that thought.  Then why was she so far far away.  That question had haunted him all his life.  And when all rationale beats you, you live in a stillness and the calm of acceptance. If he could talk he would talk and tell the world, acceptance and stillness is bliss in an ironical way. He would tell the world that love truly was magical. That love truly was when you melt away in it even without the person near you. He would tell the world that this was a perfect love story. It may not have had the cliché trajectory defined by society norms but it was perfect and more.  He loved her not to own her but just love her.  He knew that she did too.  She always would just as he did. And as he breathed his last, he knew that there was one person for whom the world would now stand still. Forever. He knew he could breathe his last in peace because she would come and get him.  When nothing was left, he had everything

Death ends a life not a relation, sometimes it gives a new life to a relation rebirth

Do we really die?? Did he really die or finally live

 

 

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Posted November 23, 2016 by nidhi khanna in Musings

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The blue mist- A year that was…. is and will be   2 comments

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly- Richard Bach

What some call the end of another year; some call it a new beginning

Flash back and forward

Having walked 364 days and now standing at the end of the calendar I turn back and reminisce and look back at the various emotions felt through the year. Not events, emotions. Events in life are meaningless if we do not feel any emotion around them. All this stirred in me for two reasons. One which is more glaring and obvious- we are at year closing and we dedicate this time to look back and hopefully have some smiles some tears and look forward with a silent secret wish that the coming year will bring a renewed hope of happiness. Somehow we believe that the minute a digit on the year changes, something will change. Wish we could all have these renewed hopes every time a digit on the date is changed. Somehow, change in year is of more significance to most of us. Guess it’s a rarer occasion and a daily occurrence makes a change in date attenuate

The second reason being what emotions came to me as I watched the news a couple of days back. I came across an interview of Sanya Mirza, who has been on a winning streak of lately. In the interview she spoke about this year being a good year for her. It’s lovely to hear when someone can say that with a smile and nostalgia. That sentence however got the machinery connecting my heart and head moving. And I realised it’s a statement I would not say for any year of my life. At least none that came to mind instantaneously. Did I not cherish all that I had achieved or did it not matter? Was there no particular year that could be engraved in my memory? This cogitate was accompanied with a twinge of sadness. Its then that I had a eureka moment. Almost immediately I realised something meaningful. Though I may not be able to say in an instant about a good year I could not even point to the other end of the spectrum, a bad year of my life. And for that I am thankful. There was no epoch of my life where I could say that life took a turn. I realised that I am a person who lives her life in the balance of things. Nothing is extreme for me. No emotion or situation is definitive. Just the way Gary, George and Matt don’t get enough of the sentence “It’s the balance of flavours that matters in dishes you cook” This is a balance of flavours of life. So as the projector of my life’s film goes on in my head, year after year, I reminisce some sweet some sour moments with the attention spearing towards times which I would could point and say ecstatic or non-ecstatic

And hence this year gone by became another year with few memories to cherish and some perishable hopefully some lessons learnt and some changes made and above all some moments to be grateful for. In all an eventful year with an array of emotions to fill in the memory bank

This piece would be incomplete without due respect given to the coming year. I do not have temerity to ignore 2016 and the renewed hope in our hearts. Looking forward to experience the realisation of our dreams and add to the existing memory bank with various emotions

Creating and wiping a portion of the slate clean for 2016 to write a new story, a new chapter. In anticipation…..

The future is better than the past

Posted December 31, 2015 by nidhi khanna in My experince

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